Table for One, Please: The Power of Dining Alone
Let’s be real for a second: walking into a restaurant and asking for a “table for one” can feel…intense. Not skydiving intense, but definitely “everyone is looking at me and assuming I’ve been stood up” intense. But here’s the thing: dining alone isn’t just about feeding yourself, it can be a surprisingly powerful act of self-care. (Yes, even if you spend the first ten minutes pretending to check your very important emails while nervously sipping water.)
At YEG Psychology, we’ve heard from so many clients who say they’d travel solo without hesitation – but eating alone? That’s where they draw the line. And we get it. There’s something uniquely vulnerable about sitting in a busy restaurant without a buffer. But maybe it’s time we challenged that.
So, let’s break down what’s really going on when we cringe at the idea of a solo meal and how you can start to embrace the joy of dining with the one person who’s been with you through it all: yourself.
Why Is Dining Alone So Weirdly Intimidating?
First, let’s name the monster: solomangarephobia. (Yes, it’s a real thing. Yes, it sounds like a pasta dish.) It’s the fear of eating alone in public, and it stems from a mix of social anxiety, cultural norms, and the sneaky belief that everyone around us is secretly judging our solo salad. Spoiler: they’re probably not.
Dr. Holly Whyte, psychologist and co-owner here at YEG Psychology, explains that part of the discomfort comes from how we’re wired to interpret social settings. “People prone to negative thought patterns like catastrophizing or mind-reading might assume others are thinking something negative about them when in reality, most people are focused on their own meals (and maybe their own insecurities, too).”
Also? Many restaurants simply aren’t set up for solo diners. Tiny two-person tables shoved next to the washroom or a sea of four-tops filled with couples can make even the most confident among us feel like we’re crashing a party we weren’t invited to.
The Mental Health Side of Eating Alone (It’s Not All Bad News)
Here’s where things get interesting: dining alone, when reframed as a conscious, intentional act, can actually boost your confidence and mental health. Research suggests that solo dining can:
- Encourage mindfulness (you’re more likely to notice your food and hunger cues),
- Provide space for reflection,
- Offer a rare moment of quiet in a world that’s constantly buzzing.
Dr. Whyte notes, “When dining alone is seen as empowering rather than shameful, it becomes an opportunity to build self-trust and independence. For people with anxiety, it can even serve as a form of exposure therapy, gradually proving to yourself that you can handle discomfort and come out stronger.”
So yes, solo sushi night might be doing more for your mental health than you thought.
But Let’s Be Honest…It’s Still Awkward Sometimes
We won’t sugarcoat it: solo dining can be uncomfortable, especially the first few times. The key is to plan ahead, just like you would for any slightly nerve-wracking adventure (think dentist appointment but with better lighting and hopefully dessert).
Here are some therapist-approved tips to ease into it:
- Pick the right spot. Restaurants with bar seating or cozy booths can feel more welcoming to solo diners. Bonus if there’s mood lighting and friendly staff.
- Bring a book, journal, or podcast. Something to engage your mind can help reduce self-consciousness (and keep your hands busy).
- Shift your mindset. You’re not a loner – you’re a confident, self-assured individual who doesn’t need a plus-one to enjoy a meal.
- Practice. Like most things in life, it gets easier with repetition. Start with a coffee shop, then work your way up to full meals.
- Be kind to yourself. If the first time feels awkward or anxiety-inducing, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you failed, it means you’re trying something new.
And remember: most people are not judging you. They’re worrying about whether they have spinach in their teeth.
The Flip Side: When Dining Solo Isn’t a Choice
It’s important to acknowledge that dining alone isn’t always empowering. If it feels more like a lonely default than a chosen experience, it can sometimes highlight feelings of isolation. In those cases, it’s less about self-care and more about survival, and that’s something to be gentle with yourself about, too.
Also, for folks with PTSD or heightened anxiety, being in a crowded, overstimulating restaurant (especially without being able to see the exit) can trigger real distress. In those cases, solo dining might not feel safe or enjoyable. If that’s your experience, know that it’s valid, and it’s okay to take steps to make things more manageable (like choosing quieter times, picking seating with good visibility, or even starting with takeout in a public park).
Dining Alone as a Radical Act of (Gasp) Self-Love
Here’s your permission slip to take yourself out to lunch. Or dinner. Or a fancy coffee with a side of “I’m doing this for me.” Because eating alone doesn’t have to be awkward or shameful…it can be brave, calming, and even (dare we say it?) enjoyable.
Whether you’re nervously eyeing that solo table or already a seasoned party-of-one pro, just know this: there’s no right way to eat a meal. What matters is how it feels for you.
And if dining alone feels like a small but meaningful challenge you want support with, whether it’s tied to anxiety, self-esteem, or just wanting to feel more comfortable in your own skin, we’re here for that. Therapy can help unpack the deeper stuff behind those “everyone’s watching me” moments, and give you the tools to live your life with more freedom.
So, go ahead. Book that reservation for one. Bring your book, order dessert, and toast to your own damn company. You’re worth it.
With warmth (and extra napkins),
The Team at YEG Psychology
